Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
