I've blown a few things in my day
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
