btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
