If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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