she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
