I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
