When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
