are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I supernannyed him into submission
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
