There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
