that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
