I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
