all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
