hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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