the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
