sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
