My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We are two peas in an std pod
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
