"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Too much gin, very little bucket
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
