I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
