Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
