Since when is my name a synonym for head?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
