it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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