So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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