dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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