He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
