you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
