her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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