yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
