Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
