On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Holy sore nipples Batman
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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