oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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