Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
