At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
