call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
