so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
