Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
