I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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