So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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