shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
