White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
