Apparently you make a good broom.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
