Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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