do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
