she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
