I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
