someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
