the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
