This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
