Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
