When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize