? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
