no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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