My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
