careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
