got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
