We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
