just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I didn't notice because vodka
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
