I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
