What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
