New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
