Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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