at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
