is wine microwaveable?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm at about main and main street
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
