1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
two words...techno handjob
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
