The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
