Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
