Fine. I'll sleep in my office
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
