i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
