Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I feel great
I just peed on a car
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
