ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize