so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
