I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
