Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize