Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize