he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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