end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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