Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
