I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize