Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
