You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
