he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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