Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
