ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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