Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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