I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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