No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
