you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
