Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize