that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
