The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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