why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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