Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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