Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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