how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
