I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
