It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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