The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
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